By SAMUEL TORRES
Staff Writer
Acceptance is something that we all had wanted, it has been what I wanted…From family to friends the feeling of being Accepted for how you are is such an amazing feeling, I hope that one day I could finally feel that warmth of a feeling but for now, I close my eyes again for another day. It had been only a couple of weeks since I finally realized what I am, who I wanted to be, I placed my hand on my bedsheet feeling the soft texture of threads sowed making it whole. Each little piece of thread has a purpose, to hold the other up even if it’s worse they never let go until a force pulls them apart.
[December 20th, 1999]
[Akio Introduction]
Today was my 5th birthday party, the day I have gained a number in my family name. I was still young of course but the reason I started from here is because of where it all had started. I sat on a brown stool which was scratched up from the top from who knows but I looked down at the shining glowing cake lit with candles. Since I was little I didn’t know what anything was or what anything meant unless the meaning was given to me.
“Happy birthday Akio!” Asahi came running to me with a big bright smile that extended so wide it almost filled his face. I was close to Asahi since he was my only friend and I never really got along with anyone else that wasn’t him, I had sprung down out of my seat running to him as we both tackled each other falling to the ground.
“Asahi!” I had landed on top of him as we both were laughing happily, finally seeing each other once again, he had to go off for a couple of days to see his grandparents out in Korea. He held a box up to his chest that was covered in different shades of blue wrapping paper, the bow on top was a lime green tie that had bunny-shaped ears.
“You are finally 1 year younger than me!” He pushed his body up to sit down as I slid off onto the cold hard floor. Asahi was 6 years old almost turning 7 on December 27th which was only a month away, he was already tall for a young age he was already close to reaching his dad’s shoulders! He had fluffy black hair but felt so thin, his eyes were hazel brown, and his lips cherry red.
I wasn’t any different besides my hair is thick and pointy as it was brushed to the front touching my forehead, however, my eyes were dark brown as well for my lips being a light pink. Throughout the years of my life I have never experienced any sort of pain besides hurting my arm from falling off a bike, then the time I twisted my ankle trying to run from a vicious looking dog that chased me down to my home. Even though it was painful, the memories stayed with me because Asahi was included in all of them. He had helped take care of me after my arm was injured. He had disaffected my arm that was filled with scratches as well as some bite marks from the dog, he was always there for me.
One day, it was just me and Asahi playing inside my room at the age of 10 and 11, we were kids just playing around, nothing big, nothing new because that was all kids do. Then, we began to wrestle each other fighting but till he pushed me onto the wooden floor near my bed and pinned me down, at the moment we didn’t think it through but I guess it had meant something huge for my parents. My mother and father were big on the Bible as well for the rules inside it, one must not have lust, one must marry a woman and it would be the only way.
These beliefs had stuck in my household for years and at every family gathering my grandparents would ask me, “have you met any cute girls sweetie?” or “Do you already have a girlfriend, Akio?” I was only a child so why was I feeling pressured to be with someone already? I shook my head as my head looked at Asahi then pointed at him. What my parents kept using as an excuse was “He’s only a kid he doesn’t know any better” or “It’s just a phase,” how many times have I heard that already?
[ December 20th, 2004]
“Asahi! Let me go!”I tried to break free from his grip but he continued to grip harder, the footsteps of my parents began to echo through the hall as they were heading to my room to see what was happening. I stopped for a moment taking a breath then looked at Asahi, he continued to look at me without saying a word then began to lean in.
They always believe when we are young we make bad choices because we didn’t know any better, but what I felt was something I already knew wasn’t a bad choice. That memory stuck with me for more than just Asahi was my first ever kiss.
“What are you guys doing?!” My mother began to yell then stood there in shock as my father came throwing Asahi off of me then dragging my body by my arm. I began to cry as his grip was too tight. It was starting to hurt but he wouldn’t let go. He threw me against the wall before I got a chance to speak. He slapped my face with such force it left a sting and shock.
“Foolish boy, you are so selfish and childish! Why can’t you be like your older brother!” Here we go again, comparison between someone else and why am I no better? I guess at the age of 10 I had to be better, but why was this so bad? I didn’t understand a single word as the yells of my parents filled my ears.
My eyes locked onto Asahi’s as it seemed he was filled with disappointment, that was the last I ever had seen of him. His face never left my mind as those memories haunted me forever, looked down on, ashamed of, I was just another Sin in their eyes. I guess my story continues to be a tragedy, everything I have ever loved was a sin, everything I wanted was a sin, I was just a Sin filled with tragedies.