By: AVA WOFFORD
Staff Writer
Spookley The Square Pumpkin was made in 2004 by Bernie Denk. The movie is about a square pumpkin who learns that you don’t have to be like everyone else. You don’t know this movie? It’s ok, I didn’t know that it existed until recently. I always thought this movie was a fever dream until I was scrolling through Netflix one day and found this cheaply made, 47-minute movie. I took a trip down memory lane and while the nostalgia was there, the movie wasn´t. The movie takes place in a pumpkin patch where we watch as a bat attempts to eat a ladybug only to be stopped by another bat who we learn is his sister. This scene alone already starts one of my big problems with the movie as a whole. The side plots. There are a million side plots that mean little to nothing to the story and are just there to take up time. This side plot with the vegan bats means nothing to the story. I actually kept forgetting about it and when I was reminded it took me out of the story being told and trust me, this is one of many side plots that we´ll be discussing. After that, the two bats find something in the pumpkin patch and go to tell the scarecrow. The scarecrow is essentially the ringmaster of the patch and is the main leader. He walks over to go see what the bats were pointing out while dragging what seems to be pumpkins conjoined by their stem. This really caught me off guard. The pumpkins look weird and just made me feel uncomfy. Of the two pumpkins, the small one is named Little Tom while the big one is Big Tom(very original). From there other pumpkins follow the scarecrow only to find a square pumpkin. As by the name of the title, his name is Spookley. Right after meeting him Little Tom starts making fun of him and the whole pumpkin patch starts singing about how they hate him. This is so weird! This scene alone should turn you off of the movie. When we meet Spookley he is literally a baby. He can barely say his name! Not only that, but Spookley has done nothing at this point. Can you imagine an entire town singing about how ugly a baby is? This also just put me in shock. I wasn’t expecting this to be a musical. This threw me so off guard. The first song of the entire movie is making fun of a child. To be fair it’s one of the better songs in this movie, but that’s not even a compliment compared to the next song. Right after this Spookely is told about the ¨Jack-O-Limpics¨ which are a set of games played by the pumpkins which decides who´s the best pumpkin and who will be in the front of the patch. Everyone wants to win though because of the ¨candy crown¨ which is just candy corn in the shape of a crown. Right after this he hides in the leaves and sings about wanting to be round. This song sucks. I understand that Spookley is a baby, but does he have to sing? It is the worst song in the movie. His voice just sounds like nails on a chalkboard and by the end, you´ll probably hate Spookley more than the town that just sang about despising him. We then meet three spiders who convince him to join the Jack-O-Limpics because they want candy. We then get a scene of the boy bat singing about how he loves eating bugs while holding one of the three spiders. His sister stops him though. The spider who almost gets eaten then has a crush on the girl bat. What in the? At this point, you’re thinking none of this makes sense right? That’s because it doesn’t. At this point in the movie, I was lost. I actually almost turned off this abomination because it was starting to give me a headache, but luckily I took some Advil and threw myself back into the story. We then watch Spookley fail at every single event. A race, he loses. Bowling, he loses. Corn hole by throwing yourself into the air, he loses. At this point, I was wondering where this was going. I was expecting him to win and show that even if he’s different he can still be a winner, but no. He sucks. He gets bullied the whole time. The spiders give up on him. It’s sorta sad actually. Right after this, a pumpkin is proclaimed the winner and the town starts dancing. All of a sudden a storm rolls in and all of the pumpkins get stuck in a wheelbarrow. The scarecrow tries to save the pumpkins but lightning hits a tree branch and he gets stuck under it as he almost burns to death. Why? Who made this movie? What is this? I can not describe how weird this scene is. It goes from cute little pumpkin games to nothing but screaming. This is such a traumatizing scene. I don’t know what the writers were on when they made this, but I would like some. Spookley is safe from the windy storm because he´s square. From here Spookly saves the scarecrow by throwing himself on the water tower and causing the water to fall over the side. He puts himself on the wheel of the wheelbarrow so that it won’t move and the pumpkins are saved. The pumpkins then decide they love him and he gets put up on the farmer’s porch with a light in him. And the girl bat decides she has a crush on that one spider? The end. Honestly, it’s a lot. I don’t really understand the moral. If people don’t like you, save their lives? The best one I can come up with is to embrace your difference, but that moral could have been expressed in so many, better ways than this. The ending is so rushed and so many things don’t make sense. In conclusion, don’t watch this movie. The graphs are atrocious. The music actually sounds like kids-bop. The characters are the worst. The plot is everywhere. Overall this was not enjoyable. I love bad movies. I love being able to rip into a bad movie. Most bad movies are so bad they’re good, but this movie, this movie is so bad it’s just bad. I can’t describe it. The movie is only 47 minutes long, but it feels more like 2 hours long. I was excited to watch this movie. I wanted the nostalgia, but I wish that I had just kept remembering it as a fever dream. Trust me there’s worse. I still wouldn’t watch this again though. If you’re looking for a good Halloween movie just watch Hocus Pocus or Halloween Town. Not a must-watch in the slightest.