By MADDIE KIRKMAN
Staff Writer
Abusive relationships are more common than people realize. A lot of couples don’t realize whether or not they are in an abusive relationship, and they normalize their partner’s behavior. Along with this, many individuals stay in abusive relationships, but why? Why do they stay in these relationships if they are not happy? There are multiple hidden obstacles in an abusive relationship. Jennifer Willoughby is a woman who was in an abusive relationship with the former White House Aide, Rob Porter. She wrote many reasons why she stayed in the marriage. She claimed, “He cried and apologized, so I stayed. He offered to get help and even went to a few counseling sessions and therapy groups, so I stayed”. Willoughby felt trapped in her marriage and was being manipulated and guilt-tripped into staying. She went on and described how abusers switch from extreme kindness to being a monster; the victim feeling compassion when the abuser apologizes; the victim holding on to hope the abuser will change, and the abuser destroying the confidence of the victim.
There are several stages when it comes to abusive relationships.
- High status adds obstacles – “Everyone loved him. People commented all the time how lucky I was….Friends and clergy didn’t believe me. And so I stayed.” -Willoughby.
- Disbelief and blame – “Responses by the public and professionals can make it more difficult for victims to leave.”
A study showed that the public viewed an assault in an intimate relationship as less serious than an assault against a stranger. Many professionals, such as therapists, health care, or family court fails to help the victims. They tend to blame the victims for triggering the abusers’ behavior or not believing them. It is very common for abusive relationships to be ignored and left unnoticed. If you feel as if someone you know may be in an abusive relationship, let them know they are able to speak to you for help.
If you are unaware that someone is in an abusive relationship there are a few things that you need to look for:
- Unexplained wounds, bruises, scars
- Abuser controlling or insulting their significant other in front of others
- Abuser is extremely jealous or possessive
- Victim constantly worries about upsetting their partner
- Notice a change of behavior when the victim is around their abuser.
- Distant from friends or missing events
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, don’t be afraid to reach out. Most importantly, call (800)-799-7233 and someone will be there to help you get out of the abusive situation you are in. It might be a scary thing to do and you might fear that the abuser will find out, but don’t worry. These people are experienced and can help you in a safe way.